The Holiday Whiz: Sagittarius the Archer, November 22 to December 21

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Holiday Quotes

Every day is a holiday with you by my side. –N. Fleming

Today is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day, Wednesday is National Baked Alaska Day, Friday is National Carrot Cake Day. I'm not sure how these days get started, but I'm getting very fat celebrating them. –Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel Live

Today is National Cheese Day, and I mean this when I say it, I hope your day is as gouda as mine. And if you're having a bad day, just hope it gets cheddar. Come on, admit it, that was sharp. I'm sorry, those puns were cheesy. Seriously, I apologize for those jokes. That's not the person I want to brie. –Jimmy Fallon, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In Britain the day after Christmas, the 26th of December, is called Boxing Day. And do you know why? Because they fight each other. –Craig Ferguson, The Late Late Show

The 4th of July is the day we celebrate our independence from Simon Cowell. –Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel Live

Today is...Earth Day, or, as it will be known in twenty years, That Planet that We Used to Live On until We Ruined It Day. –Craig Ferguson, The Late Late Show

Eight more days of Lent, then it’s back to chocolate, bourbon, and Lady Boxing on Pay-Per-View. –Conan O'Brien, via Twitter

Be Nice to Lawyers Day–have you heard anything so crazy in your life? What is that, like Pet a Serial Killer Day? –Craig Ferguson, The Late Late Show

Sometimes I worry that we Americans have lost sight of the true meaning of Bampflugnax Day. –Conan O'Brien, via Twitter

I heard about this Day of the Dead that they do here [in Mexico]. Everyone basically has a party to celebrate the dead people. We don't do that. We find it all a bit morbid, don't we, death? We don't like to talk about it. We certainly don't have a day dedicated to it. But then we waste days, you know, dedicated to, like, Pancake Tuesday. Why have we got a day for pancakes? –Karl Pilkington, An Idiot Abroad

Anyone acquainted with Ireland knows that the morning of St. Patrick's Day consists of the night of the 17th of March flavored strongly with the morning of the 18th. –Author Unknown

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. –H. V. Prochnow

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. –Oren Arnold

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know. –Lewis Carroll

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. –Dave Barry

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. –John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. –Chris Rock

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm. –Kurt Vonnegut

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. –Paul Sweeney

I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending. –Fred Rogers

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. –George Bernard Shaw

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. –H.U. Westermayer

As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December's bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same. –Donald E. Westlake

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. –Robert Frost

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. –Steven Wright

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. –Irv Kupcinet

The holiest of all holidays are those/ Kept by ourselves in silence and apart;/ The secret anniversaries of the heart,/ When the full river of feeling overflows;--/ The happy days unclouded to their close;/ The sudden joys that our of darkness start/ As flames from ashes; swift desires that dart/ Like swallows singing down each wind that blows! –Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Holiday Whiz

Friday, November 22, 2013

Sagittarius the Archer, November 22 to December 21

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